Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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