Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Let's paint friendship bongs
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
