i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
