The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I want to fling myself into the sun
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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