she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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