I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
