Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
