I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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