Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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