I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
