i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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