Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
