In the future we'll all be gay
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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