i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
