i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
