I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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