I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
