apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
