Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
