Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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