You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
