in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He passed out mid-signature
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
