i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
