how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
