Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
