The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
