I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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