Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
