fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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