Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
