so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
