Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
