just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
