Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
