Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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