I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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