You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
