I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
