Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
