farters have to be the big spoon...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
