He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
