Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
