i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
