Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Floor bacon is actually really good
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
