dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
