I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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