i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Farmville is her only friend.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
