So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
