I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
