My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
