so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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