I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
